Lauren is hilarious.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Concerning Dragons

There’s been a creature that I’ve always loved and admired, but never really realized how much until recently.  A long lizard with the ability to fly, breathe flame, and be generally super badass.  Yes, I’m talking about a dragon!  Normally, I’m all about the cute and cuddly critters.  Nothing would make me happier than plopping into a big pile of fluffy kittens or puppies and cuddling until I passed out.  But what would happen if in the midst of cuddling, a robber busted in and tried to stab me?  Who would protect me?  Certainly not an innocent, sweet little puppy.  I would need to swiftly summon something majestic, menacing, and deadly.  Having a pet dragon is basically what I want in life now.  And the following list of fire spouting worms are on my list to acquire.

Falcor.  I’m fully aware that Falcor is not an evil, mean, killing machine.  So I’m starting with him first.  He’s the perfect mix of cute and menacing.  He’ll bring you some good fortune and help you scare the bejezus out of those asshat bullies that threw you in the dumpster.

Smaug.  Ok, let’s get right to the badassery.  If you’re going to have a pet dragon, or a bro dragon, or however you want to classify this relationship, why not pick one that is STINKING RICH?  I mean, Smaug took over The Lonely Mountain, filled with the dwarves’ gold and treasure.  He hung on to his duckets.  Hell, that stuff was stuck to him, he slept on it so long.  A super bonus?  He sounds exactly like that sexy Benedict Cumberbatch guy.

SmaugPeterJackson

Draco.  Yeah, I barely remember the film Dragonheart either.  Wasn’t Dennis Quaid in it?  Who cares, really.  The only thing worth knowing is the kickass lizard had Sean Connery’s voice.  How cool is that?

Toothless.  Ok, we’re going back to the cute thing again.  What can I say, as rock and roll as I try to be, a cute beast will always melt my heart.  But Toothless isn’t snuggly.  He’s stealthy and fierce in battle.  He’s like a flying cat who can spew flame.

Norbert/Norberta.  You know your dragon is going to be awesome if it was rescued and reared (briefly) by Rubeus Hagrid!  This adorable baby Norwegian Ridgeback would start its life at Hagrid’s hut outside of Hogwarts, but eventually ended up at a sanctuary for dragons, thanks to Ron Weasley’s big brother Charlie.  It’s kind of sad that the dragons in Harry Potter’s world have to be reduced to living in captivity, but they are super cute when they’re babies.

Drogon.  This dude is the ultimate in dragon bodaciousness.  Born with his brothers Viserion and Rhaegal, from eggs that had been turned to stone and thought useless, Drogon brought fame and fear to his mother Daenarys Targaryen, the true heir to the Iron Throne of Westeros.  Big, black, mean as hell, but loyal to his mommy, Drogon will burn up those who test Dany.  He also lets her ride him off into the Dothraki wilderness.  Hopefully he’ll swoop into King’s Landing and turn Cersei Lannister into a pile of stinky ashes, am I right???!!!

 

 

 

Meri
About Meri 5 Articles
Born from the forbidden love between Batman and a sexy hobbit, Meri kills her enemies with lasers shot from her eyeballs. Cats are her minions, and Tom Hiddleston is her husband of 15 years.

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