2014 Grammy Review

I love watching the Grammy awards. The all-out performances, the stars, the excitement that builds as I wait to see if my favorite musicians won…

Unfortunately, I completely missed it this year, so here’s my report of the highlights as I was able to pick up from the Internet.

The dad from Growing Pains sang about how much he loves questionably consensual sex.grammy-2014-show-reuters-2 Miley Cyrus was in good form with her Cirque Du Soleil show, which has improved greatly since she got rid of the wrecking ball and put a LITTLE more clothing on.

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I also missed the live-action Toy Story movie this year, but apparently the soundtrack was good enough to net a Grammy. Here’s Buzz and Woody accepting the award from Whoopi Goldberg:

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Classic comedy/music act Martin and Lewis really need to update their wardrobes. Houndstooth and velvet are so 1950’s.

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In the mid 90’s, Thom Yorke and Bjork had a secret love child named Lorde and shipped her off to New Zealand to be raised by Hobbits. She won a couple of awards and shows how she plans on making them into a cone-shaped bra like Madonna used to have. Whatever happened to Madonna, anyway?

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‘Mama’ Cass Elliot and Colonel Sanders sing an inspiring song about how much they love fried chicken.

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Not to be outdone by Beyonce’s opening act, Elvira made a comeback with a LITERALLY HOT strip/donkey show.

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At the after-party, Glinda the Witch of the North bragged about how she destroyed her mortal enemy Elvira by burning her at the stake.

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Her performance on stage was equally impressive. Fans went wild for her piano sonata version of Willow Smith’s “Whip My Hair.” grammy-2014-show-reuters-4

Inspired by the marriage of 34 couples during the Martin & Lewis show, these two old guys performed a duet called “Queenie Eye” which is about their decades-long secret romance. “O-U-T spells out” they sang, as they gazed longingly into each other’s eyes.

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All jokes aside, HOLY SHIT THE GHOST OF JOHN LENNON WAS THERE. Spookiest Grammy show ever. DMGrammy_Grammy_Awards_12 49.jpg

Last but certainly not least, the undeniable star of the show was Beyonce’s butt.

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Jennie Zell
About Jennie Zell 37 Articles
A space traveller from Liverpool, Jennie has come to drop knowledge on you. She is in a serious relationship with a handsome member of Starfleet, and has an adolescent Japanese daughter. Jennie’s super powers include designing magical gateways and drinking delicious cocktails.

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