DISCLAIMER: blog includes episode spoilers, but I have not read this far in the books.
Also, #GOT, #oberynlikeaboss #popitlikeagrape #freetyrion
During the past four seasons of Game of Thrones, fans have endured more heartbreaking moments than I am willing to count. Mostly, that is because I prefer not to be reminded of all the tragedy, but I have witnessed attempted child murder, actual child murder, the decapitation of a beloved protagonist and the slaughter of his family. Needless to say, followers know that a happy ending is unlikely and no character is assured to continue to the next episode. That being said, last night’s episode, “The Mountain and the Viper,” shook me in a way I did not think could happen again (not after the infamous Red Wedding).
First, let’s get the small stuff out of the way:
1. Grey Worm has an adorable and unrequitable eunuch crush on Daenary’s translator, and Jorah Moormont has been banished from the kingdom.
2. Ramsay Snow (aka Psycho Rob Thomas) is officially Ramsay Bolton.
3. The Wildings (including all those scarified cannibals) are spitting distance from Castle Black.
4. Sansa has decided to trust Littlefinger.
5. Although the Hound has brought her to the Vale, Arya will not be reuniting with her sister since Aunt Lysa is dead.
Yes, I just referred to that list as “the small stuff,” but all of it is pretty damn important.
I was truly distraught by Jorah’s banishment. That is, until we got to catch up with the injustice that is King’s Landing. I was amped for the trial by combat since Oberyn’s announcement that he would be Tyrion’s champion. After his monologue, I expected him to drop the mic like a boss, march straight to chop down the Mountain and follow it up by taking out Tywin. The combat scene started out with so much flair. Oberyn spinning his… spear thingy… (seriously, what is the name of that weapon?!) and circling the Mountain with capoeira-esque kick flips. The lighting in this scene was perfect for disguising stuntmen without distracting from the excitement. As the Red Viper danced around, striking the Mountain while attempting to elicit a confession, my heart soared. My exact thoughts were, “Finally, someone worthy of revenge will actually get it! Oberyn will win and this will make up for crusty old Walder Frey and insane Ramsay Snow/Bolton and vicious Cersei!” It was going to be so perfect! Tyrion was going to be free, and one more name would be off of Arya’s list, and Cersei would have one less henchman at her service. But Oberyn let his need for a confession get in the way of the actual revenge. The ending was unbearable. It’s as if Inigo Montoya tracked down the six fingered man, had him against the wall with his sword through his heart, but was somehow overpowered. Then, we have to watch as Oberyn is not simply overpowered. No, the Mountain gouges out his eyes with his own thumbs and squeezes his head until it explodes. Tyrion is declared guilty, end scene! The show is over without any closing music (we’ve had this happen before), and I am left mouth agape knowing that I will not be eating cherry tomatoes in my salad for a long ass time.
Even worse than witnessing this atrocious murder is what Gregor Clegane’s victory actually means. Dear, god, make Tyrion a bird so he could fly far, far away.