#FindOinky

In March 2017, the hosts of Good Morning You Drunks reported about a missing neighborhood pig named Oinky. Now several weeks later, a couple quick sightings aside, the treasured friend STILL is not found.

This tragic kidnapping went largely overlooked until very recently when several celebrity pigs took up the cause and are boosting the signal on their social media pages to #FindOinky.

Napoleon (Stock photo)

It all started with Napoleon, notorious porcine political pundit, on his #1 rated syndicated daily news and opinion show. In his opening monologue on May 2, 2017, he lashed out against the apparent human media bias. The following is a portion of the transcript from that broadcast.

These humans don’t care about pigs! They look down upon us as the lowest of the low, using our VERY NAME as an insult to other humans. They only consider us when they want to barbecue us or turn us into bacon.

[a smattering of angry oinking from the audience]

Take the Oinky kidnapping for instance. He disappeared from his home in Hampton, Virginia over a month ago, without a trace. Where have you heard anything about this on the Mainstream Media? Nowhere. NOWHERE! But god forbid an adorable little blond girl is kidnapped and everyone’s phones are blowing up with Amber alerts!

It’s time for us to take matters into our own hands. I call upon YOU my friends to spread the word and FIND OINKY!

[thunderous oinking and squealing]

His speech resonated throughout the pig community, even among his detractors, picked up steam quickly.

The original Piggy PR innovator, Wilbur and his friend Charlotte, were first to join the fray.

Porky Pig followed soon after with a t-shirt fundraiser. To date his fundraiser has brought in $75,329 to help missing and exploited pigs around the world.

Social media mogul and top influencer Miss Piggy is credited with creating the hashtag #FindOinky. Her Instagram post is the first known usage of the term. The hashtag quickly went viral with over 25k uses and counting.

Hamton J. Pig organized a candlelight vigil on the Acme Looniversity Campus drawing thousands of supporters of all species. “It’s important to me as a member of the pig community,” Hamton stated in an interview at the event. “That kidnapping could have happened any one of us, whether pig, rabbit, duck, or human.”

“My parents actually met in Hampton, Virginia. Did you know that? Yeah. That’s why they named me Hamton. ….. They weren’t great at spelling, I don’t think the pun was intentional,” he added.

Pooh and his partner Piglet teamed up for this image and posted it on their Instagram @hundredacrelove with the caption: “It sure would be sweet if you helped find Oinky! #FindOinky” (Editor’s note: aren’t they just the cutest?!)

Just last week, after a wild night of binging on trash juice, party pig Arnold Ziffel woke up in a mud bog and realized at some point in the night he got the hashtag permanently tattooed on his back. “Nah man, I don’t regret it. It’s who I am, it’s for the cause. We’re like… we’re all Oinky…We gotta find Oinky, man.”

An anonymous person set this pig afloat over London. Some suspect street artist Banksy while others accuse rock band Pink Floyd of pulling another publicity stunt. The band denies the allegation, and of course Banksy is unavailable for questioning.

As of June 1, Oinky is still missing, but is suspected to be in the Hampton Roads area. If you have any information on Oinky’s whereabouts, please contact 757-525-3276 to speak to someone live, or leave a voicemail at 757-541-2868. All information will be kept confidential and anonymous.

Together as a community, we can

#FindOinky!

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Jennie Zell
About Jennie Zell 36 Articles
A space traveller from Liverpool, Jennie has come to drop knowledge on you. She is in a serious relationship with a handsome member of Starfleet, and has an adolescent Japanese daughter. Jennie’s super powers include designing magical gateways and drinking delicious cocktails.

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